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Lemme spill some tea—did y’all know the Escort dropped in ‘79? Ford said, “Here, peasants, drive this!” and folks ate it up! Millions sold, honey, MILLIONS! By the ‘90s, it was everywhere, like bad decisions in Leviathan. “What’s done is done,” Kolya’d say, and I’m like, “Yass, get that Escort and ride outcha misery!” I seen one once, cherry red, shined up, and I hollered, “Halleluyer! That’s a blessin’ on wheels!” Made me happy as a pig in mud—simple, no frills, just real.

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Then, I hit up Rue des Écoles. I was looking for a place to grab some lunch. I found this tiny bistro, Le Petit Gourmet. The food? OMG, so good! I ordered a quiche Lorraine, and it was like a flavor explosion in my mouth. But then, the waiter drops my plate. I’m like, “Seriously?!” But he just shrugs and says, “More for you next time!” I mean, what a legend. I couldn’t even be mad.

Waiting for the peloton: Tour de France fans - in pictures