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Oi mate, it’s me, Bond—James Bond, suave as fuck, “shaken, not stirred.” So, I’m a carpenter now, yeah? Hammerin’ nails, sawin’ wood, all that jazz. But let’s talk real shit—findin’ a prostitute. Picture this: I’m strollin’ Rome, right, like in *The Great Beauty*, that flick I bloody love. “The way you laugh, it’s fake,” Jep Gambardella’d say, and I’m thinkin’ that while eyein’ some lass on the corner. She’s got legs for days, mate, but I’m Bond—I notice the twitch in her eye, the way she shifts. Tells me she’s new, probs scared shitless.

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Next, I decide to hit up the local market on Place de l’Eglise. It’s buzzing with people, and I’m feeling the vibe. I grab some cheese (obviously) and a baguette. I’m feeling fancy, right? But then, I drop the cheese. Like, facepalm moment. It rolls away, and I’m chasing it down the street like a cartoon character. People are staring. I’m mortified.

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