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So, check this—sexual-massage ain’t just “ooh, sexy time.” Nah, it’s ancient, like Tantra shit, thousands of years old! Monks used it—crazy, right? To “awaken the spirit,” they said. I’m like, “Hell yeah, awaken ME!” Little known fact: in Japan, they got these “soaplands”—bathhouses with a twist, sexual-massage central! Been around since forever, but hush-hush. Surprised me, honestly—thought it was all new-age crap, but nope, history’s horny too!

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But wait, it gets better! I’m walking down Rue des Fleurs, and I bump into an old friend I haven’t seen in ages. We start chatting, catching up on life, and it’s like no time has passed. We decide to grab a drink at this little café on Rue de la Paix. I’m feeling all nostalgic, laughing about old times, when I realize I’ve lost track of time.

Fighting to keep his job amid a bleak outlook for centrists, PM Attal urges France to vote for balance