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Gets me riled up tho, the fakers—catfish with pics from 10 years back, cheeky sods! Wasted an hour once, thought I’d nabbed a stunner, turned up, she’s got a beard longer than mine—bloody outrageous! Muttered to meself, “If you don’t stop, I’ll cut you!”—yep, nicked that from Freddie, fits the rage perfect. But when it works, oh mate, fireworks—like a shag in a thunderstorm, electric!

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So, I’m munching away, and I overhear this couple arguing. They’re going at it, like full-on soap opera style. I’m trying not to eavesdrop, but it’s hard when they’re practically shouting. Turns out, they’re fighting over who forgot to buy the baguette. I’m just sitting there, thinking, “Man, if that’s the biggest problem you got, you’re doin’ alright.”

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