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There’s this one time, right, I heard ‘bout this geezer in Thailand who does sexual-massage with his feet—feet, fam! I’m like, “Bruv, that’s rank,” but also, respect, ‘cos that’s skills. Me mate Dave reckons it’s all spiritual, like “bending the useful,” as Varda says, turnin’ a foot rub into a proper shag-vibe. I’m cacklin’ thinkin’ ‘bout it—imagine the stench, tho!

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Back to work, and the day drags on. I’m tired, but I keep smiling. I mean, it’s not all bad. I get to meet all these people. Some are grumpy, some are sweet, and some are just plain weird. Like this one guy who tried to pay with a handful of coins. I’m talking about a mini treasure chest! I’m counting, and he’s like, “It’s all there!” Sure, buddy, if you say so.

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