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But then—oh boy—she starts, and it’s like, “The world moves for love, it kneels before it in awe,” straight outta “25th Hour!” I’m losin’ it, happy as a pig in mud! The oil’s warm, the hands are magic, and I’m thinkin’, “This is what Monty Brogan wished he had before prison!” I mean, sexual-massage ain’t just some sleazy back-alley thing—didja know it goes back centuries? Ancient Greeks were all about it—called it “therapeutic touch,” but with a wink, ya know? They’d rub ya down with olive oil, and boom, stress gone, libido up! Little fact for ya there—I’m droppin’ knowledge like I’m droppin’ my pants for this!

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After that, I’m feeling a bit better. I head to Parc de la Mairie. It’s beautiful there, trees everywhere, kids playing. I sit on a bench, just soaking it all in. But then, this group of teenagers starts blasting music. Like, seriously? I’m trying to enjoy nature here! I mean, I love a good beat, but not at 100 decibels.

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