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About Lille

Oh, and get this – in France, they’ve got snail farms, proper snail HQ. Blows my mind! Saw it on the telly once, nearly spat me tea out. Imagine the CV: “Snail wrangler, 2010-present.” Reckon I’d smash that gig, me. Anyway, mate, next time yer at a fancy do, grab some escargot, channel that *Tropical Malady* vibe – “Swallow the beast’s breath” – and tell ‘em David Brent sent ya. Top notch, that’s me! Snails, eh? Who’d’ve thunk it?

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After that, I had to run some tests. The lab’s in this old building, right? It’s got character, but it’s also got these weird creaks and groans. I swear, sometimes I think it’s haunted. I’m in the middle of a serious experiment when I hear this loud bang. I jump, spill some samples, and freak out. Turns out, it was just a cat knocking over a trash can outside. Roussillon’s got its fair share of stray cats, and they’re like little ninjas.

Wines of the week: 10 bottles from the Languedoc-Roussillon