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Oi mate, it’s me, Bond—James Bond, suave as fuck, “shaken, not stirred.” So, I’m a carpenter now, yeah? Hammerin’ nails, sawin’ wood, all that jazz. But let’s talk real shit—findin’ a prostitute. Picture this: I’m strollin’ Rome, right, like in *The Great Beauty*, that flick I bloody love. “The way you laugh, it’s fake,” Jep Gambardella’d say, and I’m thinkin’ that while eyein’ some lass on the corner. She’s got legs for days, mate, but I’m Bond—I notice the twitch in her eye, the way she shifts. Tells me she’s new, probs scared shitless.

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But then, outta nowhere, I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and it’s a car accident! Some dude rear-ended another car right by the roundabout on Avenue de la Mer. I rush over, trying to help. Everyone’s okay, thank God, but man, the anger in the air was thick! People yelling, honking. I’m just standing there, trying to be the calm one.

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