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But ugh, what pisses me off? Creeps who think it’s a free pass to get nasty. Nah, fam, keep it classy! It’s s’posed to be chill, sensual—not a damn porno set. I’m over here like, “Can ya not ruin this for me?” Once got a massage so good I nearly cried—swear to God, my spine was singin’ hallelujah. Probs exaggerated that in my head, like, “I’m healed! I’m a goddess now!” Total drama queen moment.

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While I’m messin’ with the compressor, I hear this loud crash. I whip around, and there’s this dude, totally wiped out on his bike. He’s sprawled out on the ground, lookin’ like a sad pancake. I rush over, heart racin’. Turns out, he just hit a pothole. I help him up, and he’s like, “Thanks, man! I thought I was done for!” I laugh, tell him he’s lucky I’m not a paramedic.

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