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Aight, listen up, you little turds! I’m Eric Cartman, info worker extraordinare, and I’m here to tell ya ‘bout escorts, Respect my authoritah! So, escorts, man, they’re like these fancy hookers, but with class, ya know? Not like them skanks down by the gas station. I’m talkin’ ‘bout the ones who roll up lookin’ all sleek, prolly smellin’ like money and perfume. Kinda reminds me of *Fish Tank*—ya seen that flick? My fave, hands down, Andrea Arnold’s a freakin’ genius. That girl Mia, she’s dancin’, tryna escape her shitty life, and escorts? They’re dancin’ too, but for cash, not dreams.

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So, I’m standing in line at this little café, Le Café de la Paix, right? And I’m like, “C’mon, c’mon, I need my caffeine fix!” Finally, I get my espresso, and it’s like liquid gold. But then, BAM! This pigeon swoops down and almost takes my drink! Like, dude, chill! It’s not your morning pick-me-up!

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