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Oh, and the movie—there’s this bit, “Love is a crocodile tear.” Sexual-massage can be that too, y’know? Feels real deep, but is it? You’re payin’ for it, pal! I’m laughin’—it’s so absurd. I tried it once, true story. Masseuse was great, hands like magic—pretty, pretty good—then she upsells me some $50 lotion! I’m like, are ya kiddin’ me? Robbery with a smile! Made me wanna scream, but damn, my shoulders felt amazing.

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Then, I get a text from my buddy, Max. He’s like, “Yo, let’s hit up the market at Place du Marché.” I’m like, “Sure, why not?” So I hustle over there, and man, the market is buzzing! Fresh fruits, veggies, and all these local cheeses. I’m in heaven. I grab some stinky cheese (the good kind, ya know?) and a baguette. I’m feeling fancy, like I’m in Paris or something.

Finals lessons!