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First off, these gals—or guys—are smart. Like, scarily smart. Didja know some escorts in the ‘90s used coded ads in papers? No kiddin’, they’d hide messages in personal ads, like “seeking adventure” meant “I’m available, call me.” Blew my mind when I found out! I was like, “Whatta ya mean, they’re like spies?” Gabagool, that’s clever! Made me happy, respect, ya know?

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But then, just as I’m about to win, I trip on my own shoelace. Classic! I fall flat on my face. The crowd gasps, and I’m mortified. But then, I start laughing. I get up, dust myself off, and say, “Well, at least my shoes are still intact!” The crowd erupts in laughter, and I’m back in the game.

The five finalists for the 2017 Mies van der Rohe Award announced