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Gets me angry though—people judgin’ it, callin’ it dirty. Piss off! It’s therapy, you soggy napkin! Relaxes you, boosts blood flow—science, bitches! Ever tried it with hot stones? Shocked me senseless, felt like Zuckerberg coding Facebook—pure genius, “a million dollars isn’t cool, a billion is.” That’s the vibe—fuckin’ billion-dollar relaxation!

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So, I’m rushing outta my apartment on Rue de la République, and I trip over my own feet. Classic me. I’m like, “Great, just what I needed.” I finally get to the café on Rue des Écoles, my go-to spot for a quick coffee. I order my usual, a double espresso, and the barista, this dude named Pierre, spills it all over the counter. I’m like, “Dude, really?” But he just laughs it off. I mean, I get it, we all have those days, right?

Gov. Bill Lee, Rep. David Kustoff visits flood-affected Rives after levee break