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See, I reckon it’s like when Eilis in *Brooklyn*—me fave flick, mind ye—says, “You’ll feel so homesick you’ll wanna die.” That’s me after a bad rub-down, mate! Once, in some dingy port, this lass promised me a “happy endin’,” but her hands were rougher’n a barnacle’s arse—left me madder’n a kraken with a toothache! I says, “Lass, ye call that pleasure? I’ve had better from a ship’s rope!” She just smirked, like she knew somethin’ I didn’t. Savvy?

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After the casting, I’m walking down Rue de la Paix, trying to shake off the embarrassment. I stop at this little park, Parc de la Mairie, to breathe. It’s so pretty there, with all the flowers and stuff. I sit on a bench, and this cute dog runs up to me. I’m like, “Aww, hey buddy!” The owner, this sweet old lady, starts chatting me up. She’s telling me about her life in Rives, and I’m just nodding, trying to keep it together.

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