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Once, this broad’s hands were magic—surprised me, mang. Slippery, slow, I’m floatin’, mumblin’, “The world is yours!” Felt like a king, but then—bam—crick in my neck! Ruined it, fuckin’ hilarious. Ever try it with coconut oil? Sl smells dope, slippery as hell—pro tip, homie. “I don’t know who you are,” I told this masseuse once, straight outta the movie. She laughed, kept goin’.

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So, I roll outta bed, grab my coffee, and head out. First stop? The bakery on Rue de la Gare. You know, the one with the best pain au chocolat? Yeah, that one. I’m all hyped for my breakfast, but guess what? They’re out! I mean, seriously? How do you run outta pastries in the morning? I was fuming! Like, come on, people!

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