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Oi mate, so I’m a dental tech, right, spendin’ my days grindin’ teeth down to nubs, and you wanna know what I reckon about sex-dating? What a bloody laugh! It’s like drillin’ into a rotten molar—messy, stinks a bit, but ya can’t stop pokin’ at it. Sex-dating, yeah, it’s all swipe this, shag that, no faffing about with “oh let’s have a coffee first”—nah, straight to the bone, innit? I mean, “There Will Be Blood” vibes, yeah? Like Daniel Plainview screamin’, “I’ve abandoned my child!”—that’s me, ditchin’ any hope of romance for a quick fumble off Tinder.

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But then, I remember I left my bag at the café! Panic mode activated! I sprint back, dodging tourists again. I’m like a ninja at this point. I get there, and thank goodness, my bag is safe. I’m so relieved, I could cry.

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