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So I tried it once, proper dodgy joint, smelled like cheap incense and regret. Bird’s hands on me, I’m thinkin’, “This is it, Ricky, you’ve peaked!” Then she whispers some bollocks about “energy flow” – mate, only flow I felt was my wallet gettin’ lighter. “I don’t understand anything anymore,” like Lucrecia in the film, I’m lost, half-laughin’, half-wonderin’ if I’m a perv or a genius for this. Cost me a ton, too – 80 quid for 30 minutes! Daylight robbery, but those hands? Bloody magic.

Caroline (40)

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But whatever, I brush it off. I’m in Quimper! The city’s got this vibe, you know? The old buildings, the river Odet flowing by, it’s like a postcard. I’m snapping pics like a tourist. I mean, who wouldn’t? The half-timbered houses are just begging for a selfie.

Community hero, 2009: Ellen Quimper helps homeless cats find homes