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But—fine—some weirdos love it. Met this actuary buddy, Ivan, total nerd. He’s on these apps, scorin’ dates left and right. Says it’s “efficient.” Efficient my ass. He’s happy as a pig in mud, though. Told me he once matched with a chick who only spoke in cat noises. Meow this, meow that. Drove him nuts, but he still smashed. Laughed my ass off hearin’ that. Russia’s full of freaks, I swear.

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I mean, seriously, the local markets over in quartier du Port have the freshest seafood and the most mesmerizing chatter. I even bumped into a fishmonger once, and he was like, “Groovy, baby! This sole's got more sass than your ex!” I kid you not – an actual conversation straight out of a movie scene!

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