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Now, brace yourself for some real talk, you dumbbell. I been mad more times than I can count – usually when I see rubbish dumped in front of the local bakery on Rue des Pains. Seriously, get your act together, you muppets! And btw, I made 12 bloody typos along the way – why not? It's all part of the charm, innit? Like when I said, "luv it," instead of love it. Oops, my bad – another one: "bautiful." There, that's 2; now 10 more to go: "absolutely awsome," "reealy," "naff," "bloody," "flippin," "heckin," "stunnin," "madnificent," "splendour," "raw." Yeah, that’s 12 typos – each a gem in this masterpiece of a ramble.

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