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Oh, and the pics—don’t get me started. Some bloke sent me a blurry cock shot, like I’d swoon over that rubbish. “Mine, mine, mine,” like them seagulls in *Finding Nemo*, claimin’ their prize. Mate, I’d rather shag a kraken. Did you know, right, there’s stats—60% of sex-dating profiles got at least one lie? Height, job, that “gym pic” from five years back. Liars, all of ‘em, and I’m here smirkin’, sippin’ me wine, knowin’ I’m too good for this shit.

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Then, mate, you got the Parc des Romains. It's not huge, but ohhh, it's got vibe, pockets of green where you can nudge your worries away. I go there when I need to clear me head after a long day, you know, "The Internet's not written in stone, it's written in code," and my body feels that much more coded after a good massage there. It’s kinda magical, we swears!

The combination of father & son Cuffel (Montivilliers, FR) wins 1st international Barcelona!