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Oi mate, so I’m a detective, yeah? Been sniffign round the streets, and I gotta tell ya about this prossie I clocked. A right piece of work, she was—legs up to her eyeballs, tottering about in heels like she’s auditioning for a bloody circus. Reminds me of *The Pianist*, that flick I love—y’know, Polanski’s 2002 gem. Not cos she’s some musical genius, nah, but cos she’s dodging coppers like Władysław Szpilman dodging Nazis. “I’m not going anywhere!” she’d screech, like she’s quoting the film, but nah, just drunk and lippy.

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My fave hidden gem? La Maison des Arts. It’s tucked away on Rue Léon Blum. I used to wander there, finding quirky exhibits that made me laugh, cry, and think about pleasure like no one else. It’s like a secret lair of delight, an oasis in a busy world. There’s a nook where you can sit alone and brood in the best possible way.

We went on a Picnic in a Parisian Nazi Bunker