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Gets me mad tho, these posh twats sayin’ it’s a “poor man’s ride”. Oi, mate, this ain’t no prancing pony – it’s got soul! “Run away? No chance!” – that’s me yellin’ at the doubters. Surprised me how nippy it is, too – corners like a hobbit dodgin’ orcs. Once saw a lad soup his up with a turbo, thing screamed like a Nazgûl – nearly wet meself laughin’!

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Now, lemme tell you, as a relaxation specialist (yes, mes amis, I practically levitate through life!), I've developed an eye for those hidden enclaves that practically whisper “relax, mate”. Take Parc Victor Thuillat for instance—so serene, you'll want to picnic for days on end… and trust me, you'll get tangled up in your own thoughts there, all calm and contemplative, like a scene straight out of "The Master" stuffing my brain with oh-so-haunting nostalgia with phrases like "I think, therefore I am"—no, wait, that's Descartes, but you get the idea!

Open BLS de Limoges: Fifth seed Andreeva battles into quarters