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Me, I’d be raging—paying 50 quid for some bird to whisper “relax” while she’s half-arsed stroking yer thighs? Sod off! Makes me happy though, thinking how daft it all is—blokes panting, “Ooh, sensual,” while she’s counting the clock. Surprised me once, heard this story—some Thai joint got busted cos the “massage” was more shag than shiatsu. Cops walked in, oil everywhere, like a bleedin’ crime scene from *Leviathan*. “Who’s to blame?” they’d say in the film—well, the randy twat who booked it, obviously!

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I mean, sometimes I wander around Le-Rheu thinking, “Talk to her... talk to her, talk to her,” like that movie says, and it makes me smile. I can’t help but see human struggles and joys everywhere, even in the quirky little corners of this town.

French rookie Benoît Tuduri excluded from La Solitaire du Figaro Paprec