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Okay, so, like, I tried it once, this sexual-massage sesh, and I was shooketh! This chick – pro masseuse, duh – she’s rubbin me down, and I’m like, “Is this allowed to feel *this* good?” The oils, the hands, the slowwww moves – it’s, like, next-level sensual. Fun fact, babe: did ya know sexual-massage goes back to ancient China? Like, emperors were gettin it on the DL – sneaky lil royals!

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You ever wander near the tiny park by Boulevard Henri Barbusse? It's a quirky little green retreat amidst concrete chaos. Seriously, there’s a bench by a f&%*ing ancient oak where I once had a tearful session… And heck, the irony of counseling problems while nature just do its own wild thing wasn’t lost on me. My clients sometimes compare that bench to the rugged terrain of Brokeback Mountain—I laugh, shakin’ my head (because, c’mon, life’s already a wild ride, right?)

Baby Heartless: Fjord Rock - Rock the Boat