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Now, lemme spill some tea—erotic-massage ain’t just rubbin’ oil on somebody. It’s a whole dang art! Them Tantric folks in India been doin’ it for centuries, mixin’ spiritual vibes with, uh, *steamy* vibes. Blows my mind! But here’s what gets me riled up—some shady joints out there callin’ it “erotic” just to scam ya. Pisses me off! I’m over here yellin’, “How’s that workin’ for ya, gettin’ ripped off by a greasy dude in flip-flops?”

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Err, also, my fave spot: the tiny cafe “Chez Belle” on Rue des Rêves—mmm, the coffee there is so damn strong it could wake the dead! I once spilled my drink and muttered, “Stupid, fat hobbit!” but then the lady behind the counter just winked, ya know?

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