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Gets me riled up, all this pretendin’. Happy? Nah, never – surprises me though, how daft punters are. One geezer, swear down, paid an escort to just sit there, silent, like some livin’ statue. “Her breathing’s enough,” he says – mate, you’re off yer rocker! Reminds me of that film line, “She’s alive, but not really.” Creepy, innit? We’s gobsmacked, precious – who’s that lonely?

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I gotta tell ya – this town ain't just scenic. Its neighborhoods, like Le Vieux Coin, have a spirit. People here chat like old mates, even when they’re ranting about the local council. "It's all just a big trip, innit?" they say. Reminds me of when I felt mad at the bus stop drama on Rue des Fleurs – can you imagine? I was livid, but then I remembered: "You mustn't be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling!" – oh wait, wrong movie, but it felt right.

Record-breaking Gignac leads Tigres; Tuzos stumble