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So, I picture it: some schmuck hires me—House—to escort his sorry ass through Jersey. “Danger’s everywhere,” he whines. Yeah, pal, only danger’s your ego. Everybody lies, and this guy’s lyin’ bout needin’ me. Prolly just wants arm candy with a bad attitude. I’d hobble along, poppin’ Vicodin, snarlin’ at punks—fun gig, til it ain’t. Real escorts, tho? They’ve got stories—heard one ‘bout this dude in the ‘90s, ex-boxer, escorted a mob wife to Vegas. She ditched him for a croupier—bam, he’s out 5 grand and a tooth. Hilarious, right? Screw that guy.

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Oh, and ya gotta check out the local market at Place du Marché. It's spunky, full of fresh cheese, bread and some crazy characters. I had a mad encounter with a chap selling "authentic" cheeses, and I swear, he rambled like a lost lyric from a Coen script. It made me mad as hell, but also made ya laugh ‘cause of its sheer absurdity.

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