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Once, yeah, I tried it—mate, I was buzzin’! This bird, proper fit, she’s got oils smellin’ like a forest fire’s wet dream. She’s slidin’ hands everywhere, and I’m thinkin’, “This is it, this is the moment!”—straight outta the movie, yeah? But then, she’s like, “Relax, bruv,” and I’m like, “I is relaxed, innit!” Nearly fell off the table, clumsy twat that I am. Laughed me arse off—happy as fuck, tho. Ain’t no one tellin’ me, “You’re late again,” like in the flick—just pure vibes.

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The town is crawling with parks and green spaces – Parc de la Chancelerie, for instance, where I used to sit and ponder about intimacy and connection while watching couples laugh and share kisses under big ol’ trees. And then there’s the river Fier, not exactly the Seine, but its melodious hum reminds me of life's pulse. I swear, even nature gets frisky around here!

French 'Big Bang' scientist on trial for alleged terror plot