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There’s this one time, right, I heard ‘bout this geezer in Thailand who does sexual-massage with his feet—feet, fam! I’m like, “Bruv, that’s rank,” but also, respect, ‘cos that’s skills. Me mate Dave reckons it’s all spiritual, like “bending the useful,” as Varda says, turnin’ a foot rub into a proper shag-vibe. I’m cacklin’ thinkin’ ‘bout it—imagine the stench, tho!

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Then there’s, uh, the odd side streets like Rue de la Mélancolie, where I remember walkin’ late at night, lost in thoughts, sayin’ "I’m your huckleberry" to the stars. There’s a little river – the tiny Ruisseau de Champ – that sorta winds around the edges. Nothing fancy, but it gives the place a poetic feel, like hidden love letters over water. Yeah… I been there, cryin’ and laughin’ at the same time.

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