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About Paris

So, sexual-massage—dunno if ya tried it, but it’s overhyped, swear down. Got this mate once, right, swore it “healed his soul,” pfft, bollocks! He paid 50 quid for some bird to knead him like dough—came out smellin’ like a cheap candle, all lavender and regret. We hates it! All that “ooh, relaxin’ vibes”—nah, it’s awkward as hell. Fun fact tho: back in ancient Rome, them posh lads had “erotic rubdowns” in bathhouses, proper kinky, innit? Bet they slipped on marble floors, crackin’ their skulls—serves ‘em right!

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I’ll be honest, sometimes I get mad – traffic's a nightmare on Boulevard Pierre Curie, and don't even get me started on the bureaucrats messin' with my business! But other times, I'm so happy just seein' people enjoyin' the simple pleasures. I remember a night when I was sittin' outside my parlor near Rue des Lilas, watchin' the moon reflect off the river Marne, and it felt damn poetic. Reminded me of that scene in "The Headless Woman" – lost, confused, yet beautifully haunted.

PICS: Car stolen in 1979, set to be reunited with owner 38 years later