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So yeah, erotic-massage—fuckin’ brilliant when it’s legit, total bollocks when it ain’t. “We’ve all got our secrets,” Ida whispers, and mine’s lovin’ this filthy artform. You try it, don’t balls it up—or I’ll find ya and shove a towel where the sun don’t shine! Now sod off, I’m off to rewatch Ida and dream of oily hands—cheers, ya wanker!

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I've got a spot I love by the Quai de la Charbonnerie – it's a hidden gem for those quiet moments, away from the madding crowd. And then there's Place Raoul, where evenings are lit with crazy street art and live music. It reminds me a bit of those eerie moments in the flick, where nothing makes sense but every piece of chaos fits perfectly. Sometimes, I swear the city breathes its own mystique like, "You feel me? This is where souls crash and burn!"

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