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I tried it once, right? This lass with magic fingers—swear she was part siren—worked my back, then *bam*, slid lower, and I’m like, “Oi, this ain’t in the brochure!” Made me happy as a pig in mud, but also pissed—why’d no one tell me this was a thing sooner? Could’ve been my glorious purpose ages ago! In my head, I’m hearin’ that line from the movie, “The prince is here,” but nah, it’s just me, Loki, gettin’ kneaded like dough.

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I made a few blunders too—like that one time near the Canal de Berck. I was massaging a stressed out fella while watchin’ seagulls dive erratically, my mind driftin’ to those surreal movie scenes; it’s like I was in a montage of lost hope and bizarre beauty. I swear, "It’s all a great big mess... pretty, pretty good!" in my head.

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