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Alright, motherfucker, listen up! I’m an accountant, crunchin’ numbers all day, but sex-dating? That’s some wild shit! You know me, I dig "Requiem for a Dream"—shit’s dark, twisted, real as fuck. Sex-dating’s like that movie, man—fast highs, brutal lows. “Let’s get wasted!”—that’s the vibe some folks chase on those apps, swipin’ left and right like they’re tryna score dope.

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I swear, sometimes I get mad when traffic jams – those narrow lanes make me want to shout, "time is precious, ye know!" but then again, chaos has its beauty, right? I’ve even found hidden little wellness nooks tucked under old arches near Rue du Port. They are pure gold for a quick foot massage!

Chef Tyler Akin's new Mediterranean cafe opens next week at renovated Fishtown hotel