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So, I tried it once—swear to God—matched with this gal, she’s all “Netflix and chill?” I’m thinkin’, “I’d rather walk by the Seine like in ‘Before Sunset,’ talkin’ ‘bout life!” But nah, we’re in her apartment, she’s half-naked, and I’m like, “This is too fast!” Made me angry, y’know? Where’s the buildup? The tension? “Time is a lie,” Jesse says in the movie, but sex-dating? It’s all rush, no depth! I stormed out—dramatic as hell—shoutin’, “This ain’t for me!”

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Oh, I gotta mention my old haunt: a tiny bar on Rue Lafayette. They serve the worst coffee ever – but it's home if you think about it. Total contrast: I've seen too many profiles list that spot as if it's the center of the universe. But imma tell you straight: it's a dump… yet it’s my dump.

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