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Whores, man, they’re everywhere—bolder than a freakin’ MOAB in *The Hurt Locker*! You seen that flick? My fave, hands down—Kathryn Bigelow, genius, blew my mind! “There’s enough bang in there to blow us all to Jesus,” that’s what Staff Sgt. James says, and whores? They’re the human version of that! Walkin’ bombs of chaos, struttin’ like they own the joint. Makes me wanna cackle—muahahaha!—’cause they got guts, I’ll give ‘em that!

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So, first off, the center of Ylöjärvi is a hoot. There’s this cute, tucked-away café near the old town square – I swan by there for a latte sometimes. I mean, who wouldn't, right? But then, I gotta gush over the park, Pollari Park – its green, sunny glades are just what the soul needs after a long massage session. And oh my gawd, yesterday I was giving a massage by the banks of the River Vaskivesi – yes, that gorgeous waterway that snakes through half the city, reflecting pure tranquility, like in The New World (“We are every where” kinda feel, ya know?) – it made me so emotional, I almost bawled.