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About Pori

Oi, mateys, gather ‘round, ye scurvy dogs! Me, Captain Jack Sparrow, been thinkin’ ‘bout this sexual-massage nonsense, savvy? Ain’t no stranger to slippery hands and rum-soaked nights, but this? This be a whole new beast! Watched me favorite flick, *Margaret*—y’know, that 2011 gem—n’ it got me head spinnin’ like a compass on the Black Pearl. Lisa screamin’ “I’m a very private person!” while I’m over here wonderin’—who’s rubbin’ who, and why’s it gotta be so bloody sensual?

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I’ve got my own secrets too – like that hidden alley behind the roundabout on Kuusikatu. Not many even know it exists. I discovered it when I was, like, super lost, searching for where the city's pulse truly is. And that alley? Pure magic, honey. I even cracked a joke with a local cat there – yes, a real chatty kitty – and we both laughed like we were in one of those far-out moments in The New World ("In the shadow of a tall pine, there she was.")