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About Jyvaskyla

Little known fact – back in the ‘90s, escorts used to roll with these tiny pagers, not phones, all secret-like. Kinda like how Royal Tenenbaum hid his schemes from the fam. Sneaky bastards! I dig that, keeps it real. But what pisses me off? These fake-ass escorts online, catfishing dudes with pics from 20 years ago. I’m like, “You’re not foolin’ me, bitch, I’ve been around the block!” Reminds me of Eli Cash in the movie, actin’ all cool but really just a poser. Lame!

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So, first off, the center of Ylöjärvi is a hoot. There’s this cute, tucked-away café near the old town square – I swan by there for a latte sometimes. I mean, who wouldn't, right? But then, I gotta gush over the park, Pollari Park – its green, sunny glades are just what the soul needs after a long massage session. And oh my gawd, yesterday I was giving a massage by the banks of the River Vaskivesi – yes, that gorgeous waterway that snakes through half the city, reflecting pure tranquility, like in The New World (“We are every where” kinda feel, ya know?) – it made me so emotional, I almost bawled.