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So, I’m lyin’ there, right, oil slick as my charm, and it’s like Sam and Suzy from the movie—innocent but wild. “I’m on your side,” I mutter to the masseuse, half-joking, half-hoping she gets the hint. The slow strokes? Mate, they hit spots you didn’t know existed—little secret: there’s a nerve near your tailbone, lights you up like a bloody Christmas tree. Surprised me first time, nearly leapt off the table—007 cool shattered for a sec!

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Now, I ain't gon’ lie, sometimes I get mad at the bleedin’ cold that sneaks into your bones down by the Ounasjoki river. It’s funny, ‘cause then I get all warm inside thinkin’ ‘bout that line from The Pianist: “The greatest terror a child can experience is that he is not loved.” But honey, here every heart is so full of love – hallelu, baby!

Lapland's Rovaniemi Airport getting €3m expansion