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About Kuopio

I tink escort’s a mess, ya? Some girls, dey choose it, fine—power to ‘em. But others? Forced, tricked, stuck. Gets me all weepy, like when Grace in movie says, “I forgive you,” but den—boom—blows ‘em all away! Love dat part, so satisfyin’. I’d do same to creeps runnin’ dis show, swear on my babushka’s grave. Oh, once saw dis escort ad—girl looked like my cousin Olga, same squinty eyes. Nearly choke on my borscht, laughin’! “Olga, you sneaky minx!” I shout at screen. Prolly not her, but still—wild tought.

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Down by the smaller lanes, like Kuusiluoto Alley – err, I mean, sometimes the spelling gets all jiggly in my head – the houses hide their secrets like quiet murmurs. I have a fave spot, got to tell ya: a hidden cafe near Kortinmäki. It’s a gem! The locals whisper its name like a secret; and trust me, more secrets have touched my massage table than you'll ever think.

Damian Pargas new Professor of American History