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Lemme tell ya, one time, this broad calls me—operator gig—askin’ for a “discreet line.” I’m like, “Sweetheart, I ain’t your pimp!” Turns out, she’s runnin’ an escort thing outta Bayonne. Classy chick, too—dressed like she’s goin’ to a freakin’ gala. Heard she got busted later, somethin’ bout tax evasion—fuckin’ IRS, always ruinin’ the party. Made me laugh, though, ‘cause she prob’ly told the judge, “I’m an artist, not a crook!” Like Caden in the movie, buildin’ his weird-ass life stage.

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But let’s talk secret spots—ya gotta hit up the backstreet cafés on Kuusamo’s outskirts. There’s this gem called “Crazy Bear Latte” on Simaninkatu—yeah, the name's bonkers! They whip up a cappuccino so good it’ll knock you sideways. I always joke that their foam is as fluffy as my clients’ massaged muscles after a session. And oh man, don’t even get me started on the midnight beauty of the Ruka Ski Resort when it’s all lit up by northern lights. Yeah, I've seen more epic sunsets there than in a thousand movies. Sometimes I mutter, "Call it a surprise, kid," 'cause the scene is straight out of some crazy script.

Solstice announces its 2025 edition of the picturesque Lapland Excursion