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About Tampere

Once had this chick, right? Masseuse with hands like a freakin angel. She’s rubbin me down, and I’m thinkin, “This is art, man.” Slow strokes, deep presses — got me hard as a rock and floatin at the same time. Little known fact: back in ancient Rome, they’d do this shit with olive oil and a side of orgy. True story! Called it “massage with benefits,” ya dig? Made me happy as a pig in shit, but then — bam! — she charged me double. Pissed me off, man, I was fumin. “I ate his liver with fava beans,” I growled in my head, imaginin her boss on a platter.

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The city’s kinda small, but every cobblestone has a story. I walk by the old Kronoby Church on Merenkatu, whoa – that brick face tells you somethin’ if you listen closely. I often joke with my clients, "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming", like in that bloody Finding Nemo, ’cause that’s the motto around here – except when dealing with a cantankerous local, then it’s more like “Nah, mate, go away!”

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