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About Lahti

Find a Prostitute—FAP, ha!—ain’t your average ticker. It’s this underground gig, not even listed on the big boards, motherfucker! Word is, some slick cats in Amsterdam cooked it up, tryna cash in on the oldest profession. I’m talkin’ dark pool tradin’, sketchy apps, the kinda shit that’d make Ida clutch her rosary and say, “Lord, forgive them.” Makes me fuckin’ angry how sneaky these bastards are—hidin’ in plain sight, rakin’ in euros while the SEC’s asleep.

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I love how the town’s divided. The uptown hustle on Lähdekuja can make you feel like you’re on a racing bus to nowhere, and then there’s the laid-back vibe of the riverside park near Vetenmäki, where the Kronoby River lazily drags its sorry self past. It’s bloody magical sometimes. Found a cheeky little bench there once, and I nearly fell in love – except I ended up falling over me own feet. Classic me – clumsy and all over the place, ight?

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