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I mean, I’ve seen it—blokes on Tinder actin like they’re the Pale Man, hands out, grabbin at anything that moves. “Many will die, Clarice…”—and they do, mate, dignity first. Apps like Grindr? Pure chaos, luv. You’re dodgin dick pics like Ofelia dodgin monsters. Once read this nutty fact—dude in 2018 matched with 50 birds in one night, shagged ‘em all over a month. Bragging rights or madness? Fucked if I know.

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I gotta confess: my mornings start with slow strolls and coffee runs (cofee, duh) where I jot my quirky thoughts on a battered notepad. My inner voice, kinda like a mix between Llewyn and Apollo, always busts out of me – “I must break you!” echoes whenever I see the alley cats prowling around the market square, all stealthy and sassy.