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But ugh, what ticks me off? Peeps sleepin on it! “Oh, it’s just an escort,” they say—rude! Like, excuse me, this ain’t no protocol droid, it’s got soul! Reminds me of Tom Hiddleston’s moody stares in the flick—underrated but slayin. Once saw this geezer in an old escort, rusty as hell, still racin like he’s immortal. “This is our city,” he’d prob mutter, ownin the road. Respect, fam!

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Now, let’s not forget the river – I'm talkin’ about Joutsenjoki, slithering by the outskirts like some silent regulator of our digital heartbeat. It kinda reminds me of those classic scenes in Brooklyn when everything just slows down, and all your life's mishaps seem to float away. And seriously, if you take a lazy kayak ride there, you'll see hidden little islands where locals hang out to vent about crappy dates. I've even found inspiration for profile pics there, LOL.

Monday's papers: Joutseno murder, pig farms, flu shot time, record highs