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So, check it—I tried it once, real talk. This chick had skills, hands movin’ like she’s paintin’ a masterpiece on my back. I’m layin’ there, feelin’ like, “This is my city!”—all relaxed, king vibes, you know? But then, she flips it, gets them knots out my shoulders, and I’m like, “Damn, I’m alive again, fo’ shizzle!” Little fact, tho—back in ancient China, they was doin’ this shit for emperors, callin’ it some fancy “energy flow” biz. Ain’t that dope? History got freaky!

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I mean, come on: Heinola ain't all rain and gloom. There's happy little moments too, like the spontaneous street art at Ahjokatu that lights up your day unexpectedly. I swear, I saw a piece last week that looked like a firework crashed. It made me laugh, I nearly choked on my coffee!

Some players from the Manitoba Moose that could be on the Jets everyday roster next season