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Anyways, I pull over, all nervous-like. She struts up, smellin’ like cheap perfume and trouble. I’m sittin’ there, sweatin’, thinkin’, “The first rule of war is…”—what’s that line? Oh yeah—“don’t die!” I’m laughin’ to myself, like, “Larry, don’t screw this up, man!” She’s all, “What you want, honey?” and I’m stutterin’ like a dang fool. Surprised me how chill she was—prolly seen worse than my sorry ass!

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So, Halikko ain't big. You got streets like Kukkakoskenkatu, all twisty and charming. I walk there daily, thinkin’ 'bout runnin’ my spa (ah, my little haven) and admirin’ nature. The local landmark? Oh man, the old mill near Järvenpää Park. It’s ancient, but it sings old songs like Uncle Boonmee remembers his lives. You feel the weight of time at night. Gollum-like whispers, "Precious, precious memories!" but then you got nuts like that, stupid, fat hobbit!

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