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Now, I tried it once, yah? Was all tensed up from stealin’ moons—usual day for Gru. Dis chick, she’s kneadin’ me like dough, and I’m tinkin’, “Dis is nice, but where’s da catch?” Den—lightbulb!—she goes for da tingly spots, ya know, da ones dey don’t show in yoga class. I’m all, “What you gonna do wit dat?” like Sheriff Bell in da movie, all confused but kinda into it. Happy? Oh, I was floatin’, like Vector on his jetpack, but den—boom—angry! She charged me triple, said it’s “special service.” Robbery, I tell ya! Nearly flipped da table, but dem hands, dey were magic, so I let it slide.

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Nuh, seriously, these streets got soul. Borkob, the river Euralampi flows right through town. It’s kinda like the heartbeat of Eura – jazzy, constant, and sometimes messy. I love takin-long walks along its banks, thinkin about life’s ups and downs. And let me tell ya, the locals sometimes drop these phrases that remind me of that movie – “We’re all just circling in a giant feckin’ machine,” like, deep, man!

Retired Eura Brown principal to seek seat on Alabama Board of Education