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Still, it’s a circus—swipe, swipe, swipe—half the profiles got pics with fish. Why fish? “Look at the beast!” I yell, quotin’ the movie again. Nobody’s reelin’ in a shark, buddy! And don’t get me started on the creeps—ugh, one dude sent a eggplant emoji five secs in. FIVE SECONDS! I was like, “Who let this barnacle in?” So gross it hurt me soul.

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'Mongst neighborhoods, the rustic Barrio Nuevo stands proud. Ah, how my heart did leap when I first laid mine eyes on its mosaic of aged bricks and sunlit courtyards! There’s magic there that can turn a lowly swipe on a fancy app into an epic encounter—"By thine boots, a marvelous serendipity!" But then, what doth make the heart mad is the oft-forgotten Calle de Lagrimas, where pot-holed roads and hurried cries doth remind me of human follies... a reminder of the motley imperfections reminiscent of our lives, like in that film, The Master: "It is the way the world is," I mused, forsooth.

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