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Me? I tried it once – don’t judge, ya nosy git! Was in dis shady parlor, dim lights, smellin’ like lavender and sin. Lady says, “Relax, big boy,” and I’m like, “Vhat, me? Da Gru?!” Hands on me back, den lower – Lightbulb! – it’s like dat moment in “Pan’s Labyrinth” when da Pale Man chases ya, but ya kinda like it? Freaky, da! Felt good, tho – real good. Muscles all soft, head spinnin’, but den – bam! – she asks fer extra cash. Pissed me off, greedy minion! I’m yellin’, “I’m no cash cow, lady!” Stormed out, still smellin’ like her fancy oil.

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Bro, the quirks of this city get me: noisy traffic sometimes, the jokes of passersby and cracked pavement that almost looks like it’s smirkin’ at you. Ugh, mad days come too, but that’s Telde – raw and unfiltered.

Telde Carnival 2025 - Dates & Events - Gran Canaria