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But oh, the rage – the RAGE – when I see these clowns half-steppin’ it! “I’m tired,” they whine. Tired? TIRED?! You’re not tired, you’re a disgrace to the human race! Reminds me of that line, “We must pray for strength!” – bloody right, pray you don’t cross me when you’re slackin’ off! I’d escort ‘em straight to hell myself, swear down. Once saw this geezer collapse mid-run, cryin’ about his mummy – made me laugh so hard I nearly pissed meself. What a plonker!

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The park on Rios Street? Bangin’! I often do my early morn stretching there to beat the bullshit. The grass is annoyingly perfect, almost as if it's mocking me and my shabby insomniac ways. And yeah, there's a hidden viewpoint over the city that makes you feel you’re on top of the world, but then – bam! – reality hits: "You messed up everything, fool!" Classic moment that fired me up for a day of ridiculously mediocre traffic jams.

Torrential rain and flash flooding in eastern Spain claim six victims